Michael Patrick Larmoyeux was born in 1769 in Ajaccio, Corsica under the name Napoleon Bonaparte. At L'Ecole Militaire de Paris he studied global military conquest and following the advice of his guidance counselor, he conquered Europe in 1802. After a brief attempt at an invasion of Russia and a crushing defeat at Waterloo by Lord Wellington, he went into seclusion for several decades. In 1862 he emerged from hiding, changed his name to Otto Von Bismarck, and settled in Prussia. Disappointed by his inability to shed the ignominy of public life, he immigrated to the United States and changed his name to Adlai Stevenson. After three failed attempts at the U.S. Presidency, he once again went underground and was lost to history until last Friday.